What I Can Become
by cpat2
Summary: A war has been fought, the final battle won. But in the midst of victory, there is also tragedy. Harry finds himself lost, and without purpose, having fulfilled the prophecy that ruled his life. But what next? When he has lost more than he cares to admit, and he feels like there is nothing left, what will Harry do to make things right?


The grounds of Hogwarts were awash in magical destruction. Windows, walls, and corridors were in pieces, many collapsed entirely. Blood, gore and scorch marks could be found in abundance throughout the grounds, proofs of a hard-fought battle that had claimed many a life. Although the bodies of the dead had either been removed or burned where they were, the death brought to this place could not be missed. Yet amidst this death and destruction, a single part of the once great castle stood illuminated, as if a shining beacon of hope in a world without light.

O^O

Harry maintained a silent vigil over what remained of the Great Hall. He and some others had quickly worked on setting this place to rights, creating as much space as possible for treatment of the wounded… or respecting of the dead. Unfortunately, there were far more dead in this one place that he had ever, or ever wanted, to see in his life. Some were what he would call friends, others acquaintances. There were a fair few he had never met, yet each and every death brought some amount of pain to his heart.

Bathed in shadow as he was, the living in the hall hardly noticed him, their glances gliding right past him. Harry was good at going unseen, after all he had spent most of his life trying to be invisible. 'And that is how it should be' he thought, 'I am not their concern.' Indeed, for those here in this Hall, this hell, their greatest concern was the great loss they were each faced with.

Harry had been faced with much pain in his very short life. From losing his parents as an infant, to the mental, emotional and physical abuse inflicted upon him by the Dursley's and even the many death defying events that had taken place here at Hogwarts; he had suffered more than most any other person before him had, or ever should. _'And yet'_ , Harry thought, ' _Why does this hurt so BAD?!_ ' The mental cry echoed through his head as he unconsciously grasped at his heart, the pain he felt carrying an almost physical affect.

To Harry, pain was not a stranger, or even a distant relative. Pain was a close friend, one of the most consistent aspects of his life. To say that they were familiar would be an understatement. He had learned to fight and work through pain, or work despite it. He had learned what it was to ignore pain to the point where it was inconsequential to him. And he had believed until now that he could cope with almost any pain… But now that belief was being shaken.

Slowly looking to his left, Harry's eyes lit upon the Weasley's. The family that had taken him in, that had shown him what family truly was (albeit with perhaps a little more chaos), that had fought and bled for him many times over the last seven years. And now… now a Weasley had died fighting alongside him. Fred was gone and with him a little of the light in the world. George was nothing more than a shell, and the Weasley's, the Weasley's were broken. He wasn't sure if they would ever be the same.

And Ginny, poor Ginny. His heart was torn and in turmoil as his gaze fell upon her. She had suffered as much as any of them this last year at Hogwarts, fighting for the freedom of the students. He couldn't be more proud of her, and yet he felt as if he could never look her in the eye again. He had left her in a place he had thought her safe, and her life became a hell. He had led her family over and over into danger, and he couldn't bear to do so again. Harry almost felt the connection that he held in his heart and mind to the Weasley's snap at that moment unable to bear the weight of his pain, yet he didn't allow it to break, not completely.

' _They're all I have left!_ ' Harry mentally wailed, tightening his jaw and locking his muscles, refusing to lose his composure here in this place. Harry willed himself to stay strong, but his eyes, seemingly of their own accord, were drawn to two bodies, lying near that of Fred. Those of an auror…. And a werewolf.

 _'Remus…. Tonks…. My friends, my FAMILY!_ ' As his emotions began to spill over, Harry saw that someone had placed their hands together. Even in death, they refused to part. Like a knife being twisted in his heart, Harry recognized that the last Marauder, and thus the last living connection to his parents… Was gone. Anyone he ever loved or cared for was hurt, or dead.. All because of him and some STUPID PROPHECY!

Harry knew that if he stayed there a moment longer, that he would lose what little control he had left. He peeled off the wall, seemingly as if stepping out of a shadow, and quickly strode from the room.

Those Harry encountered in his exit hurriedly moved out of his way, many in fright. He was not aware of it, but his face seemed to be chiseled out of stone, as cold and hard as granite. And his aura, was almost tangible. In that moment Harry was so upset, that magic was literally seeping from his body, giving him an almost demonic appearance. Needless to say, he wasn't followed.

O^O

Harry exited the doors of the Great Hall and in desperation began a mad sprint to the Lake. He needed away, away from the people, from the world, from HIMSELF! He couldn't take it anymore! The death, the pain, the destruction, the chaos. Why couldn't it all end?! Why couldn't he just be left ALONE?!

Harry reached the edge of the lake, panting and shaking from the exertion. It didn't help. His pain was overwhelming. His sorrow and fear, his anger and rage that had for so long been locked behind bars in his heart and mind, were now unchained, and in turmoil.

If there had been any bystanders, they would have seen a green aura slowly engulf his body as Harry succumbed to his emotions, giving full vent to years of pent up emotions.

It was as if a block had been removed from his mind and suddenly he no longer had control. Blind to the world around him, Harry could only relive the many years of pain and torture that had been burned into his psyche as his magic built into a physical force around him, a small hurricane with Harry as the eye of the storm.

As the memories flashed by at the speed of light, Harry's grief and magical outpouring began to grow until suddenly and without warning, the magic ceased, and the world became as if time was standing still. A single memory in particular had come to Harry, a memory of pain, and dread, but also of hope. The memory of a picture he had seen, of a little boy, with color changing hair.

' _Teddy_ ' he thought as he collapsed to his knees. ' _He's alone…. He's…. Me._ ' Though his pain had reached a peak, Harry realized that he was not done yet. He had been given a choice mere hours ago to embrace death, and leave this life of pain and suffering... And he had said no. The fight was over… Now he had to find his own path.

"I have a godson" Harry mumbled to himself numbly, "I have a family". Harry grasped that thought and brought it to the front of his mind, as if it were a lifeline and he a drowning man. He had a purpose, he had something left to live for… And he was going to go after it with all he had.


End file.
